I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album.

Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swim next time, Ok Jerry?

My only worry about tweeting and modern technology is how it has crept into even the darkest corners of the absolute global village we live in.

If I'm president, there are going to be government vans that drive around and pick up people who shouldn't be wearing certain clothing. Talk about lack of civil rights - I'm sorry, I'm pulling you right off the street, and we're giving you clothes that you're going to be O.K. in.

I'm a lapsed Catholic in the best sense of the word.

I eat meat because meat tastes like murder, and murder tastes pretty dam good!

I'm not saying being a comedian is brain surgery, but it is definitely - it's like being a carpenter. You learn how to make tables and chairs. You have to have the right tools, and you have to know how to put the thing together, right?