I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album.

I went to see the 'Spider-Man' movies because my wife is a fan, and so are my kids.

Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: "I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing."

Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer.

"Yeah, well, if you eat red meat, it stays in your colon for fifteen years!" Good! I paid for it; I want it in my ass, okay? I want them to find a meat sweater from my esophagus to my asshole when they open me up in the end! "This guy's covered in meat! He's Meat-Man! He's Meat-Tracheotomy-Man!"

My brother and I tortured my mother growing up.

Everything you look at now, the scripts that come in that you look at, the television scripts are way better than the movie script. The talent is going to television.