I'm in my truck talking to Jesus. And you can see a World Series ring on my right pinkie finger. But when I take my sunglasses off a second later, it's gone. It's the whole divine intervention thing. You know Jesus had something to do with them winning.

Everybody's vying for people's attention in terms of eyeballs, earholes, and dollars.

Bill Murray doesn't do anything. He barely shows up at the movies he says he's going to do.

I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?

I'm the Lord of the Dance! F-k Michael Flatley, it's me!

I fell asleep during 'Year One' twice. And my son, who never falls asleep during a Jack Black movie, also nodded off. That's how bad it was. I was incredibly disappointed.

My father could swear in Gaelic and English, by the way, ladies and gentlemen.