You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.

Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good - we want it Tuesday.

I defy anyone to get a decision that quickly these days.

I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny.

What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions?

You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.

And when you're on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it's funny - and you have no way of finding out.