Then after that came word processors and it's hard to make those laugh.

There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car.

And when you're on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it's funny - and you have no way of finding out.

Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good - we want it Tuesday.

You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.

It's like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it's remembered.

If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from?