Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater.

What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions?

Then after that came word processors and it's hard to make those laugh.

I defy anyone to get a decision that quickly these days.

Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good - we want it Tuesday.

I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny.

There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car.