After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this."

I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I'm allowed to hate it if I want to.

Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on.

Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, 'You gotta be in it to win it'... but first, you gotta have a dead end job so pathetic you're willing to kill five hours standing in line for a 1 in 25 million chance.

Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.