Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

I'd rather be funny than wise.

The way I've always governed my life as far as fiscal policy goes is I'm smart enough to know that I'm dumb about it, so I surround myself with smart people in much the same way a hole surrounds itself with a doughnut. I just pay things off. That's all I do.

To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.

Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.

Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet!