Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I wouldn't care if everybody in the country mocked me.

What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

Listen, the weather is just like Hillary's explanation for her war vote: we just don't know, do we?

It's wrong to discriminate based on skin color when there are so many other reasons not to like someone.

If you could use the Internet somehow to see how a Fiji sailor is doing, rather than having to read a text version of it somewhere a day later, that would be great.