Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

I went to the UN and even the guidebook was spineless.

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.

Think of Iraq as "East Korea," because it was a shoot the cuffs war for the edification of Kim Jong Il to let him know we've now circled the SUVs. Iraq was about breaking adhesions, getting lean, staying frosty - in short, getting ready for the big Doug MacArthur Memorial Cage Match to come.