I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed.

How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

Concussion? How the hell can they tell? They're *football* players, for chrissakes!

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.

Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us laugh is a mystery - an involuntary response.

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.