I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

Growing up, my family wasn't very tight. We were more like a tour group with secrets.

Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I wouldn't care if everybody in the country mocked me.

And I know your next move, I watch you so much, 'There's been no proven link between the secular state of Iraq and al-Qaeda!' Come on. They both think we're Satan. Isn't that a nice starting point? Why are you so loathe to believe they might have each other on lunatic speed dial?

Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet!

Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.

They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.