I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.

I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.

Some people like M&Ms plain, and some people like them with nuts.

How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?

After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.