And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.

In the late twentieth century, staying sober has become just as much an addiction as getting wasted.

Obama better hope a kicked ass is covered by Obamacare.

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.

If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!

I think [Ann Coulter] understands that, she's Pavlov's dog. She gets the corn kernel if she hits that drum once in a while.

To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.