Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!

In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.

It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.

Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.

The second type you have at these parades seems to be the people who want to mislabel Hitler. Everybody in the world is Hitler. Bush is Hitler, Ashcroft is Hitler, Rumsfeld is Hitler. The only guy who isn't Hitler is the foreign guy with a mustache dropping people who disagree with him into the wood chipper. He's not Hitler.