I am proof that Einstein's "e equals m c squared" is wrong. My mass has increased, but my energy has dropped.

The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts.

That receiver was as wide open as Annabel Chong.

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.

I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed.

I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.