Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.

I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed.

Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain's hat and a coin changer.

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error.

Teresa Lewis, the only woman on death row in Virginia, says she doesn't deserve the death penalty because she only hired the killers of her husband and stepson, she didn't actually pull the trigger herself. You know, she has a point. I think we should let her be able to hire the person who executes her, and not do yourself in! How's that, doll? Yeah! Get it over with quick, maybe Charlize Theron will sign up to play you.