Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell.

I'm actually equal parts cynicism and apathy. I'm always willing to believe the worst as long as it doesn't take too much effort.

The next time you get the urge to shut somebody up because they don't see the world exactly the same way you do, take a deep breath, get out your Bill of Rights, and count to the ten amendments.

The second type you have at these parades seems to be the people who want to mislabel Hitler. Everybody in the world is Hitler. Bush is Hitler, Ashcroft is Hitler, Rumsfeld is Hitler. The only guy who isn't Hitler is the foreign guy with a mustache dropping people who disagree with him into the wood chipper. He's not Hitler.

If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.

The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.