I cannot tell you how proud watching that [Iraqi] war coverage makes me. I know a lot of people are saying that they think that it's, that you know what we're doing is imperialistic. I watch the way we handle ourselves over there and I've never felt more patriotic in my life.

Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.

Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.