I cannot tell you how proud watching that [Iraqi] war coverage makes me. I know a lot of people are saying that they think that it's, that you know what we're doing is imperialistic. I watch the way we handle ourselves over there and I've never felt more patriotic in my life.

When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.

Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.