To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.

It's nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.

Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.

If you could use the Internet somehow to see how a Fiji sailor is doing, rather than having to read a text version of it somewhere a day later, that would be great.

I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain's hat and a coin changer.

Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!

Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.