To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.

If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.

Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

I'm extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son.

I don't know about you, but in my neighborhood, they just opened a Starbucks... IN A STARBUCKS!!!

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.