If I don't finish in the top three for the next Nobel Peace Prize, something's seriously wrong.

Why it's been left to me to smooth things over, I don't know. Dennis Rodman, of all people. Keeping us safe is really not my job; it's the black guy's [Obama's] job. But I'll tell you this: If I don't finish in the top three for the next Nobel Peace Prize, something's seriously wrong.

Why should I try to make you believe the things I believe in?

I'm calling on the Supreme Leader of North Korea, or as I call him, 'Kim,' to do me a solid and cut Kenneth Bae loose.

I want to do for rebounds what Michael Jordan did for dunks.

I went from five foot eleven to six foot eight, and the more ball I played, the more I caught on to the game.

The NBA's chosen ones think I'm setting a bad example? I think they need to look around and stop taking themselves so seriously.