I wrestled a lot with self-doubt. I've always had such a strong desire for what I wanted for my career, and as I go through it, I'm watching it change and morph into something a little bit different. So there was a lot of confusion as to whether I really wanted to do it, whether I wanted to go for it, because I put so much energy and effort into it, and it's hard.

It's hard to explain. It probably sounds super silly, but I do have a lot of really weird dreams.

You have to go really dark and deep with yourself and get your hands dirty and go into territories that you don't want to go into and feel things that you don't want to feel, but that's what ultimately pushes out the good and gives you some kind of a message that you can take and channel into something better. That energy's really powerful.

It's really hard to be an artist and put out records and put your heart out there. It's such a gamble, and you're often spending so much time fighting for something that you really believe in and feeling like it's not really getting anywhere. It definitely can try your patience.

I never had that desire to start or join a rock band. Nor did I ever have a desire to see my idols in concert. I would have loved to see The Cure. I didn't understand the whole concept of: you love music, you buy the album, and then you go see them in concert. It felt like something that was so untouchable that I didn't even attempt to try and bring it to any place other than my headphones.

I was sort of miserable and depressed. Music was my savior, but it was also the thing that I felt at times was breaking my heart.

For so many years, I haven't been able to wrap my head around the concept of time, just feeling like time is something that I don't have control over. It's such a release of control to finally accept that and then just be present. That's always been a big challenge for me.