It's a tribute to the human brain that anyone is able to function out there on television in a talk situation that is entirely artificial.

By the time I was in the fourth grade, I sounded exactly like my father on the phone.

Can you picture yourself at the age 60 doing what you do now?

I feel like I've been watching Irwin Corey forever. I saw him in the 1950s, and I thought he was old then.

Every time I nostalgically try to regain my liking of John McCain, he reaches into his sleaze bag and pulls out something malodorous.

I hate Danny Kaye movies.

Nobody is going to try to confiscate guns, although some Web sites know better: President Obama, they are certain, wants to.