My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Every time someone says, 'You know, we really ought to get together,' if I were really honest, I would ask 'Why?'

If (O.J. Simpson) is acquitted, I will renounce my citizenship. And if I converse with him at a cocktail party, I will say, 'Well, there are so many people here who haven't murdered anyone. I think I'll go talk to them.' I'll also riot.

In relative youth, we assume we'll remember everything. Someone should urge the young to think otherwise.

I'm sure I've all but lost friends by maintaining that, despite their love for it, I always saw Stanley Kramer's 'It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World' as more of an exercise in anti-comedy than humor.

While other kids were out playing and doing healthy things, I read an ancient judo book with a neck hold that was fatal to so many people they finally dropped it from judo.

Sloppy language leads to sloppy thought, and sloppy thought to sloppy legislation.