You would have to be naive to think you can appear on television and not have the material edited in some way.

It takes a certain amount of guts to go to your class reunions.

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.

Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.

Comedians are sometimes resentful of their writers. Probably because it's hard for giant egos to admit you need anyone but yourself to be what you are.

I feel sorry for the poor kids whose parents feel they're qualified to teach them at home. Of course, some parents are smarter than some teachers, but in the main I see home-schooling as misguided foolishness.

I don't think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience's reaction is from another.