Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn't ailing.

I get a kick out of people saying I was funny.

Coming up through the ranks of any calling can be rough, but that battered soul who survives the early years of courting the comic muse comes close to knowing what only the soldier knows: What combat is like.

The information superhighway? That sounds like a place that's long and boring and kills 50,000 people a year.

The Nixon administration kept a nasty eye on our show... Cops would come by - often just in time to see the act they wanted to see.

I would not ever try to be a show intellectual, which I was accused of doing a while on ABC. I thought you were supposed to read the guests' books.

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.