Show people tend to treat their finances like their dentistry. They assume the man handling it knows what he is doing.

Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.

History is not reassuring on the subject of the longevity of seemingly lasting great nations, is it?

I did standup while still working for Johnny Carson in the mid-'60s, thus gaining the advantage of at least getting laughs from him about how I hadn't the night before.

I always wanted to live in a haunted house.

Every comic can report a few 'gift from the gods' moments.

If you have a relative who's lost interest in everything and doesn't get out of bed, who doesn't care for things they used to, can't imagine anything that would give them any pleasure, don't fool around with it; get therapy, get help, get medication if that's right for you, or talk therapy, or something.