I didn't realize, when I decided to be a comic, that a black person had never been allowed to stand flat-footed in America and talk to white folks. It never happened before.

We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.

The United States is the most dishonest, ungodly, unspiritual nation that ever existed in the history of the planet.

Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother's milk.

And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.

When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps.

When you look at Hitler and those thugs, you can put Walmart right next to them.