You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We're the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X.

In the United States, the Constitution is a health chart left by the Founding Fathers which shows whether or not the body politic is in good health. If the national body is found to be in poor health, the Founding Fathers also left a prescription for the restoration of health called the Declaration of Independence.

Dogs are great assets to candidates, and the feeling seems to be engendered that if a dog loves the candidate, he can't be all that bad.

[A politician is] a person skilled in the art of compromise. Usually an elected official who has compromised to get nominated, compromised to get elected, and compromised repeatedly to stay in office.

Because you make me laugh don't make you a comic. A comedian is a person who, that's how they make their living.

No being should be killed. No being should be unloved.

I wouldn't mind paying taxes... if I knew they were going to a friendly country