In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.

To me, seeing a really great comedian is a bit like watching a musician or a poet.

I chose to be an agitator. And there's one interesting thing about being an agitator - and I tell people - the next time you put your underwear in the washing machine, take the agitator out, and all you're going to end up with is some dirty, wet drawers.

A Klaner KKK is a cat who gets out of bed in the middle of the night and takes his sheet with him.

That's easy, to stand in a nightclub, where most of the people that come in, they came to see you.

The jelly-bean eating thug says that national defense is important. But national defense starts at home.

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.