What price would God demand from the churches for having the audacity to lighten the color of his son's skin, and straighten out his nappy hair?

...Humans were the only creatures in the world that ate their food cooked. You'd never find a Gorilla frying up some bananas for dinner or a lion charcoal-broiling a zebra steak. Cats don't often run to the oven with a mouse or bird they've captured, and a dog wouldn't naturally prepare its rabbit dinner in a stew.

Nature is not affected by finance. If someone offered you ten thousand dollars to let them touch your eyeball without blinking, you would never collect the money. At the very last moment, Nature would force you to blink your eye. Nature will protect her own.

I consider myself always a humorist. And I think anybody who tells jokes or makes people laugh is humor.

Poor is a state of mind you never grow out of, but being broke is just a temporary condition.

[A politician is] a person skilled in the art of compromise. Usually an elected official who has compromised to get nominated, compromised to get elected, and compromised repeatedly to stay in office.

Eating liver out of a cow's body is like eating the filter out of a car.