I get up in the morning with an idea for a three-volume novel and by nightfall it's a paragraph in my column.

By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing.

Of middle age the best that can be said is that a middle aged person has likely learned how to have a little fun in spite of his troubles.

Yes, he's got all them different kinds of thoroughbred blood in him, and he's got other kinds you ain't mentioned and that you ain't slick enough to see.

Life is one damned kitten after another." Mehitabel the Alley Cat

Man cannot be uplifted; he must be seduced into virtue

The things that I can't have I want, And what I have seems second-rate, The things I want to do I can't, And what I have to do I hate.