When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive.

When you do see me, you'll get the idea from when you see me that it's all off the top of my head. A lot of it is a beginning, middle and the end. But it's different every night. I have a lot of jokes in my back pocket I've said over the years.

I never could tell a joke. I just started talking to the audience, and when the drunks would yell, "Hey, when do the broads come on?" I got good at saying, "Relax. Clear your skin up first." They called me "the insult guy," but it's never mean-spirited. I'm just exaggerating everything about us and about life.

You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up.

So many young people think the big sex act is the whole movie, but that's not the case. You need to be able to talk and laugh and cry together.

When you talk about George Burns you're talking about a living legend . . . well, a legend, anyhow.