But I just think I was lucky enough to figure out early on that I wanted to do comedy, so that's what I put all my effort into.

I hope a kid listens to my stuff, I hope there's a change made and at least somebody walks away with: "I'm doing this because I like it." People are going to hate it and that's okay, but I have to do it because my happiness is important too, it's worth it.

People are sometimes like: "Oh man, you're so talented and you do a bunch of stuff." I'm not! I swear to god, I'm not. I just like learning stuff, I like doing stuff. And I feel like everybody can definitely do it.

I'm trying hard not to use a specific reference, but you'll probably know it's you after the first sentence.

If you're on Twitter, what you're saying is, 'I'm important enough for you to care what I think.'

Took the G out yo waffle, all you got left is your ego.

Taking a call girl to an STD fair... there's a joke here.