I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits.

Why does every girl in the world wanna date me? Especially right now man, especially when I'm busy!

L.A. is such a different place. I miss New York so much. I almost teared up when I came back and wanted a Guinness and realized I could drink it and take a cab home. I remembered that I could be a functional alcoholic in New York, like I used to be!

Girls who used to tell me I ain't cool enough now text me pics saying you can tear this up!

The thing about stand-up was, I was doing all this sketch and YouTube stuff where I was not being censored and I got to do my own thing, and it was really cool.

You know who was on time tonight, which surprised me? Ghostface. Ghostface was early and making calls - what rapper does that?

When I wanna be a superhero I just wake up.