I'm very impatient, so I was like, 'I want to be able to do whatever I want now.' But even the biggest stars - you look back and they weren't overnight.

Yes I'm grown and sexy, and I'm worth the wait. Girls act like I'm the only dude on earth to date.

Dress like a gentleman, but my mouth is never civilized.

You're always allowed to be better.

L.A. is such a different place. I miss New York so much. I almost teared up when I came back and wanted a Guinness and realized I could drink it and take a cab home. I remembered that I could be a functional alcoholic in New York, like I used to be!

The thing about stand-up was, I was doing all this sketch and YouTube stuff where I was not being censored and I got to do my own thing, and it was really cool.

I don't talk soft, that's that other guy.