Chicks can make you flip more than any drug would.

The best thing about where comedy is now is if you have a little bit of talent and a strong work ethic, and strong social skills, you can make a name for yourself and you can make money.

That's why when I talk to younger comics, and they say, 'Well I need this and this, and I need so and so,' I tell them they don't need nothing. All you need is some great idea and go shoot it.

Chicks can make you flip more than any drug would.

The better alternative to fighting a guy, go have sex with his girlfriend. That's how you knock a dude out!

Tiger Woods is a billionaire. Do you know how much ass you can get with a billion dollars? I know guys with $20 and a pack of Newports who'd try to screw your whole neighborhood.

Live life to the fullest everyday, 'cause we never know what day will be our last.