Tiger Woods is stupid; not for cheating, but for having one cell phone. What type of player you know has one cell phone?

The best thing about where comedy is now is if you have a little bit of talent and a strong work ethic, and strong social skills, you can make a name for yourself and you can make money.

When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

I just had a baby girl. My daughter weighed 27 pounds. She was 3 years old. She was delivered to me by way of the court system and a blood test.

I had a dream this girl was cheating on me! I woke up and went back to sleep to find him, he kicked my ass in my dream!

Challenge yourself with something you know you could never do, and what you'll find is that you can overcome anything son.

Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son.