Once, when I was young and true. Someone left me sad - Broke my brittle heart in two; And that is very bad. Love is for unlucky folk, Love is but a curse. Once there was a heart I broke; And that, I think, is worse.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

As I was saying to the landlord only this morning: 'You can't have everything'.

Scratch a king and find a fool!