Scratch an actor and you'll find an actress.

Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.

It's easier to write about those you hate — just as it's easier to criticize a bad play or a bad book.

[Suggesting an epitaph for herself:] This is on me.

There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

My first love was Cinderella, but she ran off with another man.

Three highballs, and I think I'm St. Francis of Assisi.