Eternity is a ham and two people.

The nowadays ruling that no word is unprintable has, I think, done nothing whatever for beautiful letters. ... Obscenity is too valuable a commodity to chuck around all over the place; it should be taken out of the safe on special occasions only.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

The Swiss are a neat and an industrious people, none of whom is under seventy-five years of age.

[On being told party guests were ducking for apples:] There, but for a typographical error, is the story of my life.

A liberal is a man who leaves the room before the fight starts.