The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

...as for helping me in the outside world, the Convent taught me only that if you spit on a pencil eraser, it will erase ink.

[Hospitalized and pressing the nurse's button before dictating letters to her secretary:] This should assure us of at least forty-five minutes of undisturbed privacy.

A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.

Upton Sinclair is his own King Charles' head. He cannot keep himself out of his writings, try though he may; or, by this time, try though he doesn't.

[On an actor who'd broken her leg in London:] Oh, how terrible. She must have done it sliding down a barrister.

I can’t write five words but that I change seven.