People ought to be one of two things, young or dead.

The only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.

I wanted to be cute. That's the terrible thing. I should have had more sense.

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

They say of me, and so they should, It's doubtful if I come to good. I see acquaintances and friends Accumulating dividends And making enviable names In science, art and parlor games. But I, despite expert advice, Keep doing things I think are nice, And though to good I never come Inseparable my nose and thumb.

He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight.

One more drink and I'd have been under the host.