People ought to be one of two things, young or dead.

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

[On William Lyon Phelps's Happiness:] It is second only to a rubber duck as the ideal bathtub companion. It may be held in the hand without causing muscular fatigue ... and it may be read through before the water has cooled. And if it slips down the drain pipe, all right, it slips down the drain pipe.

When you have to apologize, it is well, I suppose, to get the thing over quickly.

She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw — I don't say she will, but she can.

Sometimes I think I'll give up trying, and just go completely Russian and sit on a stove and moan all day.

It may be that this autobiography [Aimee Semple McPherson's] is set down in sincerity, frankness, and simple effort. It may be, too, that the Statue of Liberty is situated in Lake Ontario.