It's easier to write about those you hate — just as it's easier to criticize a bad play or a bad book.

One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

All I have to be thankful for in this world is that I was sitting down when my garter busted.

I don't mind anything that's written about me, as long as it's not true.

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.