[On William Lyon Phelps's Happiness:] It is second only to a rubber duck as the ideal bathtub companion. It may be held in the hand without causing muscular fatigue ... and it may be read through before the water has cooled. And if it slips down the drain pipe, all right, it slips down the drain pipe.

Scratch a king and find a fool!

Mrs. Ewing was a short woman who accepted the obligation borne by so many short women to make up in vivacity what they lack in number of inches from the ground.

I like to think of my shining tombstone. It gives me, as you might say, something to live for.

Women and elephants never forget.

If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.