LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it.

I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it.

Never really intended to be a comedian, just sort of fell into that, but always wanted to be in show business, or something to do with making comedy.

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.

If you ever go to Las Vegas, and you will, just go for a few days. I was there recently for seven days, seven days in Vegas. After I blew all my money on gambling and prostitution, I had six days to kill.