Rappers should be forced to rhyme in their acceptance speeches.

I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.

Has anybody here ever been driving along in their car, smoking a cigarette, and you flick it out the window, and you drive for a few miles, and you start to smell smoke, and you turn around, and you look in the backseat, and grandma is playing with herself?

I almost did the knee-jerk thing of saying Judge Judy is funny to me, but I just don't have the patience for the format of that show.

I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it.

[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.

I can't go off all crazy like that and reward someone a ton of money.