I'm not trying to recruit anyone. I think minds can be changed, but I also think they don't have to be changed. If someone doesn't want to smoke pot and doesn't think it should be legal, then that's fine, but the numbers that do are going to continue to grow to the point where change will eventually occur.

Being on TV and getting everything paid for are the two reasons to do it with us instead of the court of law.

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.

Even if you are 18, my advice to you is: plan for your future.

Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.

No one really needs to defend drinking. That's something that frustrates me as a comic: I have to play clubs where selling booze runs the business, so crowds get drunk and yell out a bunch of stupid stuff at me.

LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.