I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.
Jaguar — For men who'd like hand-jobs from beautiful women they hardly know.
Masturbation is always very safe. You not only control the person you're with, but you can leave when you want to.
Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.
It seems that a lot of people, who haven't known of me as a pianist, think I've just started off as a comedian. And so for them the piano was something extra. But, of course, playing the piano was something that came before all of what's happened now.