Volvo — they're boxy but they're good.

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

Masturbation is always very safe. You not only control the person you're with, but you can leave when you want to.

It seems that a lot of people, who haven't known of me as a pianist, think I've just started off as a comedian. And so for them the piano was something extra. But, of course, playing the piano was something that came before all of what's happened now.

I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.

In the course of an average lifetime anyone growing up in a house with such a clock will hear the tune over a million times.

Jaguar — For men who'd like hand-jobs from beautiful women they hardly know.