I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.
Dylan MoranWhat are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight.
Dylan MoranVodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island?
Dylan MoranNow, I meant to talk about something else earlier on, and I've forgotten what it was. I've remembered what it is again, but I've also forgotten. And that's really what adult life is like most of the time.
Dylan MoranLove in all its forms is very difficult ... to express. It changes, obviously. If youโre young, and youโre romantically in love with somebody, and often if youโve just met somebody, its crazy! Itโs completely overwhelming. You canโt think of anything else. You just want to climb inside the other person and live under their pancreas. And then it mellows, somewhat... to the point where you can barely look at them... without feeling a mild distaste
Dylan Moran