Don't take up a man's time talking about the smartness of your children; he wants to talk to you about the smartness of his children.
A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.
To be an ideal guest, stay at home.
No man's credit is ever as good as his money.
A thief believes everybody steals.
It is your enemies who keep you straight. For real use one active, sneering enemy is worth two ordinary friends.