When a man tells you what people are saying about you, tell him what people are saying about him; that will immediately take his mind off your troubles.

If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.

Many people would be more truthful were it not for their uncontrollable desire to talk.

In thousands of years there has been no advance in public morals, in philosophy, in religion or in politics, but the advance in business has been the greatest miracle the world has ever known.

When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

When a man once gets a start holding office, it is nearly always necessary to finally choke him off.

A loafer never works except when there is a fire; then he will carry out more furniture than anybody.