Every time I fail to smoke a cigarette between innings, the opposition will score.

Economics played a role. Raleighs have gone from six fifty to nine dollars a carton, but there's a three-quarter cent coupon on the back. You can get all kinds of things with them, blenders, everything. I saved up enough one time and got Al Bumbry.

Optimism is the cheerful frame of mind that enables a teakettle to sing, though in hot water up to its nose.

We're so bad right now that for us back-to-back home runs means one today and another one tomorrow.

Team speed for Christ's sake. You got bleeping' bleep bleep little fleas on the bleeping' bases getting picked off, trying to steal, getting thrown out, taking runs away from you. You get some big bleep bleepers that can hit the bleeping ball out of ballpark and you can't make any bleep bleeping mistakes.

If you know how to cheat, start now.

My best game plan is to sit on the bench and call out specific instructions like 'C'mon Boog,' 'Get a hold of one, Frank,' or 'Let's go, Brooks.'