I remember doing one day of work, and I was so good I ended up doing 25 days on that movie. And all of it ended up on the editing room floor. That was my first Hollywood lesson: Just because you filmed a movie doesn't necessarily mean that you're in it.

I think men are afraid to say that they would love to have Michelle Obama in their bed, but they think it.

One plus one equals three. When a man and woman marry they become one never two.

We've lost a bunch on the road, I don't even know how many. It's a relief to get this one.

My favorite date movie is Scarface. There's nothing like taking a woman to see Scarface. It gets the panties off quick.

I never wrote a joke in my life. I just get on stage and let it flow.

Stand-up comedy is a science. Every comedian is a psychology major, naturally.